As I got super excited about once again pouring my energy into creating community, I realized that once again I was about to leave my family behind. Because they aren’t as passionate and focused as I am about community (but definitely not opposed to the idea), I get it in my head that I need to move forward without them.
When I first started just a few weeks ago to start conceptualizing my new vision, I thought the easiest thing to do was to develop community on the part of the land where we have no development. Then I wouldn’t have to check in with them. I could just start making plans.
Then I had a conversation with my son, Chris (23 years old) and I realized that he is open to community–but he sees that we need more of a foundation. He, in his wisdom, helped me realize that our family is really closer and more harmonious in our relationships than we ever have been. Our unusual structure–my two former husbands, each of them being a father to one child of which I am mother to both–has not been an easy family dynamic to work out.
You know, I used to be embarrassed about the situation, but now I am proud. I think God is smiling because even though our marriages did not last, our family has. My two former husbands are good friends with each other. I am good friends with both of them. They are fantastic fathers. The love both children as if they were their own.
I will have to write another blog about how I value our family. For now I will just say that after prayer and my conversation with Chris, I know that my first step is to help us draw together spiritually. We share a common ground of pacifism as well as a desire to follow Jesus teachings. We live simply, and want to help make the world a better place. From now on my prayer will be that instead of letting problems divide us and cause conflicts, it will be “us against the problem, not me against you.”
I am eager to meet with my family and talk about my dreams and find out about theirs. We’ve all be crazy busy the past year, and have not connected as a family as much as I would like. I see that we need to prioritize connecting and building a sense of community with each other.
At the same time, I am praying that at least one person, couple or family who are kindred spirits who share our deepest values and goals, will find us and want to explore how we can work together. So part of the reason for this blog is to let people get to know us to see if they are kindred spirits.